I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
