I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
