dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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