He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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