You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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