My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
