Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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