okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
