I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
