Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
