What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
