sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
