i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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