I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
