...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
