ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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