She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
