Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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