Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She bit a glass in half.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
