It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
