Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
