i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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