I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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