I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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