Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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