I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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