It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
