dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
