im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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