just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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