Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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