Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
