haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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