he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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