2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
