it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
