Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
