Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
