I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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