Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
