I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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