If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
