$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
