She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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