in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
