she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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