I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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