OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
