She is in my trunk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
