I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
