Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
