I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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