I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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