addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
