Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
