so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
