So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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