So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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