he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
