I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
