I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
