yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
