He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
