You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
