Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
