I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
