I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
