you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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