i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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