The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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