You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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