At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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