hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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