So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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