You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
