11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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