He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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