I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
