The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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