I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Church boner. Awkwardddd
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
