tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
